my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
