Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
