Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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