My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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