I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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