Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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