The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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