Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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