I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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