its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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