Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
