remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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