"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
