Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
