every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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