I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
