Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the condom got lost in my hair
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize