She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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