Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
