we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
