I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
