Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Four minutes until I can fart!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
