You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
