..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
