Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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