Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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