Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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