Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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