My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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