Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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