I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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