Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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