dude i'm inner monologue high
We need to rekindle our bromance
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
