eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
