just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
