Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
