Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
