I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
even my farts smell like vagina
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
