we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
