At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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