Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
