We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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