Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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