you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
