Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
