dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
