i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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