Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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