it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
vagina is talking i cant
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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