so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
