I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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