I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
