Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
