Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
