You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
