It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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