I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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