my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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