i always forget guys have bellybuttons
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
