I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
