i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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