He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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