Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
