sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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