that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
