Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
