I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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