if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
