My room smells like vodka and shame
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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